Welcome to the wilds! New Jersey for me was like crossing the border into Tijuana. Sure, the new lifestyle was crazy, but no one would ever admit to living there. When my husband’s job was relocated here in August 2010, we both were frightened. Now we’re learning about life, love, and marriage in this strange new culture. Feel free to tag along for the adventure.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Plantain vs. Banana: A Cautionary Tale

Once upon a time there lived a wife, who enthusiastically drove her red chariot to the market to buy some fruit for her husband’s lunches. He was tyrannical in his desire for the perfect made snacks, and the young wife, being eager to please, had memorized her list. She planned a vegetarian lasagna that would last the week and needed only the required fruits to complete the meal: one citrus and one banana for each day.

All had been packed into her cart as she swiveled around the display of apricots to arrive at the orange stand. She poured these treats into her basket and continued forward pleased by her bounty. Then, she arrived at the dreaded bananas.

Her husband, who garnered an eye for detail, had specific instructions regarding his bananas. There was to be no green on them. He liked them so ripe that they could have been made into banana nut bread the moment they were brought home. Yet, as she stood staring across the bundles, there was only green. All the yellow bananas had already been bought.

“Oh no,” she thought. “What shall I do?”

Then, as if her very merry, fairy godmother sat upon her shoulders, she saw the plantains.

“Yes,” she considered. “They are yellow with black spots and they are only slightly larger than the bananas.” In her defense, she had eaten plantains, and they were delicious fried or dipped in chocolate. She was not trying to poison or trick her dear husband. In fact, she thought he might be pleased.

So, after deep contemplation on the subject, she bought two plantains and a bundle of green bananas which she hoped would ripen by the end of the week.


On Wednesday morning, the nervous wife woke early to pack her husband’s lunch. She packed all the snacks that he desired and hid the monstrous plantain beneath his napkin. Then, she handed him his lunch pail, kissed his cheek, and sent him on his way.

Ten minutes after he arrived at work, she received this message:

“I'm still trying to calm down from not having a bowl for oatmeal and the excuse for a banana you sent. WTF was it? It got one bite before making it to the garbage can. ;-)”

To which she replied,

“The reason you're not in love with the banana is because it's a plantain - they were the only ripe ones. And as for the bowl I really just forgot. Major wife failure...sorry. I'm slapping my hands repeatedly and saying, ‘Bad Housewife!’”

And through this "failure," they had a good laugh and learned the valuable lesson that a plantain is not a banana. In fact, a banana is a fruit and a plantain is a vegetable. But let’s not get into that conundrum.

Instead, if you’d like to read more on the subject, check out:
Plantain vs. Banana

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